i miss ma daddy!

So it might be the lack of T.V.(my addiction to it is quite horrible!!) or the lack or any real activity at the moment in davis, but i miss ma daddy!!! So living at my aunts house was just getting to be too much, like i could pretty much ignore them most of the time but it was sometimes unbearable, so much so that not even the delicious mexican food (and also free!!) and great cable could keep me there much longer. Saying that, i decided to leave as soon as i could from there, but now i find myself alone and with nothing to do, no t.v. to console me! lol. At least there i had my sisters (annoying as they are :) ) to entertain me and the occasional amusing incident happening to others that we all gossip about (my dad likes to go to this park where he meets up with people from mexico to discuss the latest gossip...pretty much who has died, who got married, who is in trouble and who is still a mess). Now i find myself thinking thta maybe i should have stayed there longer, but seriously the thought of returning to my cousin who dosent speak to me and my aunt who makes me feel unworthy is making me bear the loneliness and boredom. But i still miss my dad, sisters, and even my stepmom!( you win universe!!!). I just miss having someone that loves me (thats a big deal since honestly in crazy!) around to talk to. I know that me and my dad have had our differences in the past but i feel like i have grown up so muh in college and learned that some of that hatred came from simple being rebellious. (the other is unresolved issues with my mothers death....). I also keep missing mexico! (again you win universe, i like mexico!!!) i miss my aunts in mexico...they had so much love and just treated me like i know my mom would have treated me and i love them. (this is the first time i have said this since i never was around them when i was younger, seriously this summer was like meeting them for the first time in my life!). They told me so many stories that i have always wanted to know....and how they know how much my dad loves me and their stories just prove this! the fact that he is moving back to mexico in a few weeks is also getting me upset, i mean i wont get to see them! its like having no family...because honestly i dont. its like my dad has made his family and im the leftovers of the last one. but still i know he loves me......

What i really wonder is why this summer was so....um.....transformative i guess i would describe it. My aunt int he u.s. lost the some of the liking that i had towards her, her daughter who i always envied and pretty pushed around by is no longer in my life. i feel like finally i have stood up to them....i dont know what brought this on! im still quite confused....i dont know if im being rebellious and not seeing things clearly. And also transformative was the new found relationship with my moms side of the family. Also transformative is the weirdly adult "friendship"and mutual undestandings between me and my stepmom.....what has happened? i ususally liked my aunt int he u.s. better than my actually parents....why the change? can i not like them both?....hopefully answers will come soon....