i miss ma daddy!

So it might be the lack of T.V.(my addiction to it is quite horrible!!) or the lack or any real activity at the moment in davis, but i miss ma daddy!!! So living at my aunts house was just getting to be too much, like i could pretty much ignore them most of the time but it was sometimes unbearable, so much so that not even the delicious mexican food (and also free!!) and great cable could keep me there much longer. Saying that, i decided to leave as soon as i could from there, but now i find myself alone and with nothing to do, no t.v. to console me! lol. At least there i had my sisters (annoying as they are :) ) to entertain me and the occasional amusing incident happening to others that we all gossip about (my dad likes to go to this park where he meets up with people from mexico to discuss the latest gossip...pretty much who has died, who got married, who is in trouble and who is still a mess). Now i find myself thinking thta maybe i should have stayed there longer, but seriously the thought of returning to my cousin who dosent speak to me and my aunt who makes me feel unworthy is making me bear the loneliness and boredom. But i still miss my dad, sisters, and even my stepmom!( you win universe!!!). I just miss having someone that loves me (thats a big deal since honestly in crazy!) around to talk to. I know that me and my dad have had our differences in the past but i feel like i have grown up so muh in college and learned that some of that hatred came from simple being rebellious. (the other is unresolved issues with my mothers death....). I also keep missing mexico! (again you win universe, i like mexico!!!) i miss my aunts in mexico...they had so much love and just treated me like i know my mom would have treated me and i love them. (this is the first time i have said this since i never was around them when i was younger, seriously this summer was like meeting them for the first time in my life!). They told me so many stories that i have always wanted to know....and how they know how much my dad loves me and their stories just prove this! the fact that he is moving back to mexico in a few weeks is also getting me upset, i mean i wont get to see them! its like having no family...because honestly i dont. its like my dad has made his family and im the leftovers of the last one. but still i know he loves me......

What i really wonder is why this summer was so....um.....transformative i guess i would describe it. My aunt int he u.s. lost the some of the liking that i had towards her, her daughter who i always envied and pretty pushed around by is no longer in my life. i feel like finally i have stood up to them....i dont know what brought this on! im still quite confused....i dont know if im being rebellious and not seeing things clearly. And also transformative was the new found relationship with my moms side of the family. Also transformative is the weirdly adult "friendship"and mutual undestandings between me and my stepmom.....what has happened? i ususally liked my aunt int he u.s. better than my actually parents....why the change? can i not like them both?....hopefully answers will come soon....

boys...men...guys...whatever!

I Hate guys, men, boys, whatever at the moment....i always go for total jerks who treat me horribly!!! i can say that there have only been two guys in my life who i have been able to stand as friends: moises and michael. other then them i dotn know why but i attract idiots for friends/love interests....im so sick of guys. i have enough shit in my life that i dont need overly emotional men in my life to add to it! honestly, i want friendship and they just cause more problems. i think the problem is that somehow i dont know how to tlak to them....or its that i have a strong character and i get sick of people easily. people tend to annoy me easily....i find somehting that annoys me about them and then it just consumes my thoughts about them....yup....my aunt in mexico told me that because of all the shit ive had in my life i was going to find an AMAZING man....yeah that wont happen with my luck....a man that will love me for me and provide an amazing life that i deserve. honestly the way my life is going, its just getting worse as the years go by....and there seems no clearing in the near future....if only.........

"What not to Wear"

So i watch a lot of t.v. so saying that i have been watching what not to wear all summer long is no BIG WOW. lol. so anyhow i noticed that many people that they made over said the same thing in the beginning as in the end of thier transfermation. A lot of women who were dressed poorly keep saying such things as "i want people to know the real me not the outside" , "i think that people should be concerned with the inside and not judge the person by the outside" or "i dont want to change becuase then people will only see the outside and not know my personality". Funny enough these same women end up changing thier point of view after the transfermation saying that "people can now see the real me", "now that i look good people know i am hardworking" and such like that. Its just funny......Like ugly individuals like to say that we want people to value others and ourselves by whats inside not the physical appearance but when they turn from ugly ducklings to roses they now think that the clothes and makeup somehow now represent themselves. In other words pretty clothes and such can somehow show your worth and talents and such....just weird....